A canvas for random brushstroke

an uncomfortable dream ... part 2.

2009-10-14T07:56:00.000-07:00

...yes i know the problem but let me convince you why i dont see
any straightforward answer to it.

unlike iit-ians i am a discrete island. now suppose i want to start
my tech-venture. my major concern is where and how would i get
sufficient quality man-power here [even for inception] ? for a
knowledge driven start-up that does not boast of deep pockets
this is a big problem in this part of the world. with jobs and
safe jobs aplenty and a natural genetic trait of risk aversion
most of the guys, particularly in Calcutta, stay satiated with
that end-of-the-month pay.

another problem and a serious one is finding co-founder. am not
great when it comes to going out and striking a deal. i can work
on product, can even strategize on selling channels and process,
but am not a smooth seller myself. either i personally will have
to improve on that or i will have to connect to someone who can
complement me well and play that role. now on this one again,
for most of the us start-ups the co-founders met each other
while in school [think gates, balmer off harvard, think page,
bryne off google, think cisco that's a husband-wife pair and
think more :) ]. maybe we took ju a little too casually and
thereby missed out on a lot of thrills it had on offer to us :)

Not that I am thinking about all these off late. It's been bugging
me for quite sometime now.

More ...

on such ideas in the next post.

an uncomfortable dream ...

2009-10-12T00:36:00.000-07:00

had a weird dream last night - saw myself entangled in arguements,
trying to push my point on how it's fiorentina we should support
in the upcoming match. others seemed stubborn and did not agree
to this, to which i rammed how gianluca viali is an excellent
striker. there was an uncomfortable silence from all. and i
realized in a quasi-sleep-woken-up state of mind that it's been
almost two decades from when he used to play for the club;
and also a time from when i left following the sports. two
decades !

yesterday, i was brushing through some start-up profiles from
people I know. I was looking at 'imocontroller', a new venture
from delhi by minekey guys, that fetched instant glory for best
presentation from techcrunch50 [a highly respected consortium
of start-up and vcs. that google was once techcrunch50 finalist
would tell you something about it]. the other by yet another
minekey guy won the india round of qualcomm entrepreneurial
competition, something that saw them a 100000usd as seed fund
and is headed for the world league now with their kolkata based
venture capillary technologies. it provides mobile crm
solutions to retailers. number of people working on these
companies are just 3 and 7.

there also while flipping through forbes oct issue, i read yet
another case on robin li [of baidu fame, a search engine that
still sees 63% of market share in chinese search engine arena,
with google clicking abysmal 33 there], a from SUNY buffalo,
and a strong motivation for me to head for my MS from there.

no wonder then that i had to wake up to the sudden and
uncomfortable dream indicating how much time has quietly flown
down the don waiting for the dawn. let me see if i can list
the exact problems down in my upcoming post on what is it that's
making me wait and wait a little longer ....

Pankhudi take 2.

2009-08-15T05:53:00.000-07:00

Not many words would justify today's experience that we gathered at the flag hoisting ceremony, this being the independence day of India. As I already mentioned in my previous post, they had a cultural event coming up for the occasion. Few of us decided to be there in the audience.

It was heartening to see that besides us quite a few like Rotary Club, who were behind today's event, had been there by the kids for a while now. The cultural event was rather modest and there were some small runtime infrastructural glitches as we all had to move inside the corridor due to rain. At the same time rehearsing for months for an audience less than the number of performers is not encouragement enough. That's just about alright :). Now that we know what it is like we can get a bigger show with a bigger audience filling up the auditorium next time.

Stay tuned ...

signing off,
JCL.

Pankhudi Kolkata takes off

2009-08-09T01:20:00.001-07:00

Chaos is new in town of Kolkata. So are many of his friends studying mostly at iimcal. He was telling me on
and off about how they are trying to put up a real good show, trying to set up Kolkata chapter of Pankhudi, an NGO
that tries to reach out to visually impaired children. Dreamer had been a member of Bangalore chapter since inception and it's now in full swing reaching
out quite a few. I also gathered that they're facing slight hump on the road with language issue. I had been
sitting for a while as always and finally i recalled the words of Halmos on how one who sharpened his pencil was
never a researcher, and jumped the gun to get my bengali language skills [who would have thought !] :-s used
for a good cause.

From whatever I gathered ahead of my first session is we are going to lighthouse blind school, affiliated to
west bengal school of secondary education for a brief ice breaking session. and i would not be ashamed admitting
that it was goosebumps all the way for me ahead of it. am known to be master of faux pas. and i was scared to
extreme this being a new yet very sensitive domain. but .. it was all fun all the way :) the school is doing
real good work all in itself is what i took home. we were promised a session on saturday 3-5. but on our arrival
we found that kids are busy rehearsing for their upcoming cultural show for 15th august. probably the first
time in my life i did not mind being refused an already scheduled appointment and much to my own surprise was
happy for the cause it's cancelled for.

anyways we did at last have a chance to meet the tiny taughts after a small wait. and well it was fascinating.
addressing kids from several parts of bengal [most i saw is from malda, one from urban kolkata, one from
shantiniketan] with ambitions as varied as becoming a matron to an airhostess, while some played low key and
wanted to become bengali teachers. one girl was all serious when she wanted to become a cricketer. there was
this girl moonmoon who really kept us spellbound with her brilliant rendition of a tagore song 'asha jawa r
pother dhaare' - am a song freak. very rarely have i come across such purity of voice is what i can say. we
also had a chat on what is going right what more could they ask for. lalit who otherwise was keeping silent
most of the time volunteered to tell us that it takes him 3-5 minutes to write in braille, while it takes
him [he actually computed these !] 2-3 minutes to type on a braille computer. so he perceived more hands on
he can get with computer for his daily activity, better off he is. an entrepreneur in the making ? who knows.

but impressive the entire session was. am thankful that they tolerated us and were patient with old haggards like us were trying to act funny and conduct chinese whisper for them. but i hope this start sustains and grows
into the big tree with time.

now, yes we need more hands, better if you know how to speak bengali, as the students at this point are too shy to interact in any other language, and have a calling for this. get in touch.

East side story ..

2009-07-20T06:09:00.000-07:00

I have been watching a lot of woody allen flicks recently.I was
introduced then to this old man from Russia in 'Love and Death', who
walks around the village, vehemently opposing any buying offer that
comes his way for the 'piece of land' ['chunk of earth' in his hands]
that he loitered around with; not to mention the indirect reference
to the short story from Tolstoy, 'How Much Land does a Man Need ?'

I remember a friend, on the verge of earning his Phd from a
prestigious school in the US, going frantic over how cost of living
in India has splurged over the years and how he needs a lotttt of
cash before hitting back. That I know he is not hitting back is
another story. But I was disturbed as I intended to hit back
myself for sure and pinched myself for not waking up earlier...

I was relaxed after reaching home to see that not much [sometimes
some things to your anxiety] has changed here.

...Just the other day, as I was moving around the city along a
friend from the US for a long planned photo shoot, we happened to
pass South City by [For the uninitiated, it's been the talk of the
town for years now on Kolkata real estate landscape] and gathered
that two of my college mates have been or have bought properties in
the highrise. Sounded pretty cool. Really. A photographer's mind
was lured as the prospect of a great vantage point to capture the
southern horizon.

But a cynic always steps back end of the day and gets into some
weird computation. Here then I look at the profile of both of my
friends who have bought it for themselves and realize that both are
well settled abroad and do not see in the distant horizon when is
it that they can hit the city. But they bought one all the same.
Let's get into the grinding details and one will find that equation
is simple. With socio-political scenario of Kolkata becoming
hostile again, industry giants turning deaf ears to ministerial
invites, the so-called new economy giants being overcrowded to the
point of suffocation, and the city gloriously topping the charts
of various surveys as the destination choice of the enterprises,
only read bottom up, there is hardly anyone making money in the city
that can afford south city luxury, save the business community
perhaps. But then look at the sprawling campuses boasting of
sauna and spa and shopping malls and rooftop air-taxis and what
not, that are bombarding you down every morning as you start your
day with front page of a newspaper.

Puzzling. How on earth can a city not earn enough but can afford
more than that.Easy answer to that is the eleventh avatar of lord
Krishna as credits that comes to one's rescue. I had been watching
all my friends who need a shelter in town and those who needs just
one more haggling around for credits for years now. The first
thing that I have seen people do with their first job is book
a car and chase it down in rapid succession with booking an
apartment in XYZ project, that flaunts the best in its kind
accessories, forgetting basic nuances about some fundamental
infrastructural chokepoints otherwise. Look at pre/post south
city traffic influx at Prince Anwar Shah Road or the waterlogged
Rajarhat roads for an answer. Now even the builders who were
not offering swimming pool with jacuzzi can advertise at least
a smooth-cruise experience at stone's throw [just let it rain.
wait for 10 mins and happy sailing ! :)].

Let me once more turn my eyes towards the credits we were talking of.
I was talking to this colleague of mine who is first generation in
town and understandably enough had to go for a shelter. On showing
some interest in these loan patterns, I gathered in reply an
agonized mind who is fretting over why the bank is taking most of
the money he pays for deduction of interests and not principle. I
understand instantly enough that yes there's cause of concern. I
patted his back and asked him to look up at the sun, with a
discomfort in mind. Are we coming a full cycle to serfdom ?

I remembered the excitement that in between my return from UK and
journey to US I witnessed chic malls coming up every corner of my
birthtown and disturbance at listening to an economist friends,
who was back after a semester teaching in Singapore and went on an
extensive backpacking around that region, talk of the ghost towns in
remote Thailand that has seen most of the shutters close down in
just a matter of few years. 'Just wait and watch' he had laughingly
said. He talked of this three years back and you do see 'Next'
closing in there shop in the city.

Is the same fate waiting for the real estate ?

After all, "Six feet from his head to heels was all he needed".

psychedelic ..

2009-06-07T12:02:00.000-07:00

..and then there was a pause .. u choked at the utter impotence of ideas or the lack of it ... n u still knew u gotta write. about 'something' - something that never happened - random thoughts - random strokes as u keep penning down a chain of thought - ideas. or the lack of it.

something tells me i should write about avik tossing the cigarette butt off as he pensively gazed out at the incessant rain through the window pane. reluctantly enough, he sipped through the coffee mug in silence, and stared at
himself on the ripples he made on the surface of the coffee. have you read 'identity' ? by kundera ? did you really notice how he kept writing the same chapter - well the same sequence of events seen from two different observer's perspectives ? well if you've read it you know exactly what i feel like NOT writing about. not. at all. why write then ? is it because someone told me u lose shine when u dont write ? well no. i never shone anyways. then why write ? is it because you want someone to hear you. i couldnt care less. you write. cause u gotta write. so. here's to whoever said that the show MUST go on :D - well worth a hearty laughter - to you the oldest haggard of all - 'the' toast.

a sadness grips you .. u realize u r inching back to a non-generative degenerate mode - back from the wilderness - the tamed YOU. there's a struggle. u ask why suddenly ? within yourself. u know not. u suddenly feel like tuning on to the sadness and isolation - 'tristan und isolde' ? wagner ? u feel like picking 'desolation angels'up and try read into the meaning of life or the lack of it. u want to take a closer view of the void. aah quantum dot. heisenberg. uncertainty principle. no. seriously. i gotta recollect it clearly enough. wait a sec. what was it then ? light is not just wave - it could also be considered as particles. and now when you hit subatomic particles with light in order to 'observe' it - what u c is not quite what u want to c. c ? it's perturbed already - it's on a collision course with what we know as light. 'light'. 'light'ness of being. brings you back to kundera. life. they say do come full circle.

a close brush with aila

2009-06-03T14:08:00.000-07:00

near itc sonar bangla

towards chingrighaTa

onward strokes ..

near nicco park

sector V

2009-06-01T07:26:00.000-07:00

I have been tagged by Chaos to write on all that I had wished to become as I grew up. Here's
to you Chaos - the saga that still
continues.....

In our early childhood days they used to show this star trek in
Doordarshan and I guess that together with glorification of
Rakesh Sharma day and night on television would tell you why
exactly I wanted to be an astronaut. I guess that's about time
when I used to look up at night sky and think I will be there
some day.

On my fifth birthday my father brought me a globe. I was
visibly disappointed as I of course had a mercedes in mind :).
He was a geologist always away to various parts of the country
off to his field work. My earliest recollection of my father
being home is large charts and maps spread around the entire
floor and dad marking something here and there. I guess that's
time when I thought it would not really be that bad an idea
to climb down the stars off to the ground level.

I was seven when I could boast of my first camera [it was a
hotshot mini] - time when I reached to conclusion that of
course I had to be a photographer - a globe trotter and a
photographer. I would not be ashamed to admit that I still
cherish a not-so-hidden ambition of becoming one so to speak
- even when am 30 :)

While all this was happening at homefront - an uncle of mine
was infusing love for numbers through telling me stories about
tower of Brahma and various such puzzles of sorts - it was too
early for me to realize one could also be a mathematician but
it was time when I started befriending numbers and was playing
around with them forming combinations, finding patterns out of
them. I knew vaguely that I will be doing something with them,
but I knew not what :)

Of course, cricket had to be in one's blood, born an Indian.
Sunil Gavaskar was the national hero then. I remember spending
hours practising with a hidden agenda that Rohan [Gavaskar's
son] and I anyways will have to open for India 15 years down
the line. Thankfully better senses prevailed soon enough and I
aborted this idea.

Maa [mom] again was all about music - she tried to get me into
Tabla when I was five that I fled in a matter of 5 months.
Dont know where from I had formed the idea that chasing music
is kinda girlish. I guess my dad being very non-musical had
driven me to that conclusion. Maa came back to try again
when I was around 11 to chase me to a violin which I turned
down with something like 'maa well it's too late for me to
change focus now - you better try with my sister'. I am still
reminded of this incident and I must admit that around my 20
I did regret not becoming a musician - a violinist to be
specific. I dabbled around with many an instrument then on
only not much to audience's 'listening pleasure' am afraid :-).

Having 'not' done so many things I off late have started
seeing in Sidhu-jyatha [Sidhu uncle], a perennial talented-but
-lazy bengali character straight off Satyajit Ray's books,
my alter ego, whose famous quote went like this

'Aami onek kichhu korle onekeri poshaar thakto na - taii aami
kichhu i korini ;)'

['True, I could excel in many a thing that would have seen
many out of business - reason enough for me not doing anything
at all :)']

So long.

a short story of three parallel lines

2009-02-22T22:23:00.000-08:00

there were three parallel lines - yes, three were they with two
nincompoops tidly and wiki standing hand in hand gazing blankly at
them. they thought 'chalo lets go skiing' you take the rightmost two
and i take the leftmost two - well that makes us share one ! is that
fine ? they nodded at each other.

they also chose to name the lines family, us and career to avoid
confusion. and off they went skiing around happy with the sail.

family though thought career was too arrogant and started whistling
merrily, bending outwardly to the river - career was silent. he didn't
like his stolid stand being misunderstood but he kept firm on the
ground. this got tidly confused - she was going off wiki ! pheww ..
and it was all happening rather fast - she asked wiki to join hands -
wiki too impressed with the firm stability of the career asked tidly
to let go off the whimsical family instead. 'Why dont you let family
go talk to the river instead ? they chose to do that ? they started
the break in the ice ? come on now and the storm is coming up we gotta
rush ?' - Right then the offended family bended slightly more to the
river. Us ruptured into two halves. And off shot tidly-wiki skiing
happily alone ever after.

to their journey called life ahead ...

amen.

GDP - ok - what next ?

2008-06-30T09:10:00.000-07:00

A rising frown on fuelling commodity price, an interesting 'penguin pocket series' read on the way to kgp and a fired up discussion with colleagues over yesterday's luncheon did make feel the need for fill this space up.

hmm - rising price - natural economic cycle that is - election year - the stage is all set - and we never get to miss a cameo when the stage is on fire :) - but but but - the worst hit takes a blow and a bow. are they happy ? apparently not.

John Kenneth Galbraith one of the finer economists of his time brings our attention to a very interesting observation [in 'innocence of fraud'] - here he talks of the several socio economic stands that outlined several eras across different landscapes and how it found a safe cocoon inside capitalism and how gdp emerged victorious as the yardstick of progress/well-being/health of a society - he argues this yardstick to be grossly flawed and never even a near-true reflection of a society. think. He makes two points for this motion

1] gdp a measure of produce and services of industry houses do NOT reflect PEOPLE. *hmm*

2] 500 years down the lane we remember golden eras as the ones that left substantial impact in their academic/civic/artistic excellence ! [so very true] and he sites examples as Newton, Shakespeare, Venice, Art of Florence, all of which seems to share a time and era when the respective civilizations were suffering from patches of low gdp

This read and a recollection of the first time I read of Bhutan being the happiest nation as per UN happiness index [this stats was true in 2004 and I might be slightly dated here] seem so strongly in tune ?!

Flashback - eighties - early nineties - tough time for our dad's gen [home loans thn stood at 15-17% as against 13.75 today under inflation <- no kiddin'] - bt still thr was happiness aplenty in the air - Galbraith - UN - observation - all coming back in harmony - life was a lot less complex [read: demand driven]

Happiness ? Seems to be further from fuel price now - somewhere where people bike along the empty streets and make merry !

disclaimer: Some may think am shunning chasing wealth all the same here - a big NO ! but resigning yourself completely to a blind demand driven chase ? This to me and to above seemed slightly flawed. Means over ends and not ends over means would probably get there - some day.

Signing off,
JCL.

Starting up ? Anyone ?

2008-06-22T12:40:00.000-07:00

I found this one from www.startupcomics.com. To be frank I was looking for a more appropriate dilbert to go with this specific write-up, a few minutes of googling up led me to this one and i said ya wht the heck ! am in a hurry and this serves me well anyways. why dilbert.

c the point ? whtever google leads me to first thing, clinches the deal. In this fast paced world anything close will do, if waiting for the best takes forever.

When Knuth wrote his entire third volume of TAOCP, a big fat scary and beautiful book on sorting and searching, seldom did he think tht search is going to such a big apple-pie for everyone. I myself headed straight for a remote school in 'somewhere in Alaska' based on an observation that Anurag Dod [guruji.com] and Robin Li [baidu.com] has managed to work wonders in search domain in India and China after their training from this school - and i was not disappointed. First week into it, i knew the backbone of google story which at that point gave me an instant kick. That and a few stints here and there with some great startups from India [lookup Minekey and the supersmart team] made me realize yes it probably is time.

It seems that everyone today aided with excellent opensource from Apache, is after their own startup [i myself been considering one for sometime now] - but wait, let's see what some of the recent successful ventures been upto by taking four aspects into account. Here is the countdown.

[4] user interface: some guys work wonders in capturing user into their look n feel [look at beta.searchme.com ; apple is an excellent example again; google the cleanest of them all, null [i am taking the authors license to define this null later]]

3] content: whats beneath the surface is the real thing my dear Watson, in case u were ever wondering. While a clumsy ui can repell users like a skunk, only polish and no value, does the same [i reduce the set now to apple, google, null] - c ? searchme is gone. But am sure they will pass the beta and bring home the real horse. It was for the same reason [speed, accuracy tradeoff] I shifted to kayak.com from expedia, that I shifted from altavista to google.

[2] value: this been the most disturbing aspect of the recent startups I see in India. To me it looks a valid question to ask from a customer's viewpoint ['is X.com a part of my life that I cannot do without ?'] before I design this X.com from the owner's viewpoint. What I see in many a startup is what i would say the mall-effect. A new one comes up with better look n feel, users dump the older one and hops on to the next. This very model and our jumpy attittude makes business models transient.

[google adds value and i cannot do without it once i have used it, i probably can do without my macbook [like right now am on my dell] but that too is a close one in convincing me of its merit]

[1] cover: Kleinrock back in late 1960's sitting in a remote lab was frantically trying to make two computers talk to each other. Think of it again. Those machines of size of a room, with no i/p device even, where u fed ur pgm via a punchcard n used to chk on the o/p a few days later. Thr ! those times. He was trying to make two of 'em talk to each other. And well he did manage to achieve his goal.

Today 40 years down the line, when am writing this specific blog on 'internet' it's because of him. Let's wait for yet another null then that brings home something of this magnitude.

Am planning more of a technical saga on 'em - will start a new blog up on it ;) soon. Stay tuned !

JCL.

Reality check ...

2008-06-19T09:28:00.000-07:00

My short and sweet tenure at Kharagpur after almost two years of UK and another two in US has been that of an eye-opener - coming down to ground reality - for those [including myself] who had always thought ankle-deep waterlogged city is next to God's curse, come see entire south bengal today - submerged beneath what is still not declared a 'flood' :)

My journey today started at 7.30 from Kolkata and soon after we left Santragachhi it was all the same story till Kgp. What bothered me more is people seemed acquainted with living on the edge and have taken it for granted. They know that each monsoon is probably going to bring home a tide, and they will flow with it. They probably even don't know that there is a 'flood' in someone's dictionary. In their own way I saw many of them netting fish that came home with this tide. With this positive attittude [probably stemmed from a mix of ignorance and helplessness] and a smiling face they kept on fishing for years. And would probably dwell another century in their silence.

Rilke after a pause

2008-06-16T06:47:00.001-07:00

In times when you are with yourself I have seen Rilke to work wonders - take you off to a distant land [dikshunyopur for whoever understands bengali] At a time when I was reaching out to the horizon found another gem on my way - happy reading..

'Already the ripening barberries are red
and the old asters hardly breathe in their beds.
The man who is not rich now as summer goes
will wait and wait and never be himself.

The man who cannot quietly close his eyes
certain that there is vision after vision inside,
simply waiting for nighttime
to rise all around him in darkness –
it’s all over for him, he’s like an old man.

Nothing else will come; no more days will open
and everything that does happen will cheat him.

Even You, my God. And You are like a stone
that draws him daily deeper into the depths.'

(Source: Selected Poems)

glimpses from the past

2007-12-31T12:00:00.000-08:00

Nandigram a pledge.

2007-11-22T13:28:00.000-08:00

Nandigram.

disclaimer: dont get baffled by the subject head ;) read on...

George Orwell while talking about his shot at 'Homage to Catalonia' had
mentioned he writes when he is compelled by life and times around him.

I would but be dishonest if I had to overlook his influence in me in
my growing years.

So here I pen down my thoughts on Nandigram, mostly because I felt an inner
urge that I had to. Let me start by admitting that I had rather been distant
and to some extent aloof to the incidents going on (which looks like forever)
in that remote village of remoter province of West Bengal in India, with
the exception of few newsfeeds coming my way on and off.

But in simpler terms what looks like is but a contention over a
shared resource (yes the land I am talking of)!

Let's start with defining the stakeholders.

L: the land in dispute.
I: industry seeking L.

a: party who wants L for {I}, which arguably leads to improvement of the state
in the long run.

b: party who wants to drive some political benefit by drawing media attention
to the fact that yes they are by 'have-nots'. They want L to be unchanged.

c: confused mass who are sandwiched between war between {a,b}

o: we, the observers, who hope {a} wins the fight {a<->b} because that fetches
positive result for the state and erases a long roadblock of investors
coming to the state.

And yes lets not forget that {c} is the one who is suffering the most in the
middle of this pseudo-confusion (Yes you heard me right -> pseudo).

Lets look at three possible solutions.

CASE1: a rolls back. releases land.

+ {c} lives on
+ {a} stays respectfully in power
+ {a} could negotiate a better deal with the company asking for L
- {I} may never venture into state. Loss for the state.

Raw score: +3 - 1 = +2.

CASE2: b rolls back. stops confusion

+ {c} lives on and are absorbed in the industry.
+ {a} stays respectfully in power
+ {a} could negotiate a better deal with the company asking for L
+ {I} starts their business

Raw score: +4 - 0 = +4.

CASE3: I releases stake on L and comes into negotiation with {a} on some
other L'.

+ {c} lives on and are absorbed in the industry.
+ {a} stays respectfully in power
+ {a} could negotiate a better deal with the company asking for L
+ {I} starts their business (with some budgetary loss perhaps).

Raw score: +4 - 0 = +4.

If no one rolls back on L we keep drawing negatives and it goes into
a vicious catch 22.

Since {b} never had any +- in the objective resultSet mentioned above
,it perhaps is highly unlikely that they would rollback. Shows
that they never had clear objective themselves when they started
the 'show'. They would just about feature as 'noise' in the entire
game.

But for the rest, you clearly have stakes and unless one of you
or a combination of you two rollback on this, {c} will perish. We have
our faith reinstated in {a} and {I}, we need an affirmative action
from one of them so that the show goes on. And not in the negative direction.

Sooner the better.

Signing off.
JCL.

2007-11-07T09:37:00.000-08:00

2007-11-06T14:23:00.001-08:00

thrz a characteristic chill in the wind. and dark clouds together with cars from the countryside dressed in white, brought home the news that yes, it is going to snow. soon.

And another puja out of home

2007-10-19T21:08:00.000-07:00

.

2007-08-02T17:10:00.001-07:00

back from tropic

2007-06-12T21:41:00.000-07:00

dark clouds gathered round and it rained at last on good ol' cal this morn.

2007-03-31T11:32:00.000-07:00

And as a song I was writing is left undone
I dont know why I spend my time
Writing songs I cant believe
With words that tear and strain to rhyme.

And so you see I have come to doubt
All that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
The only truth I know is you.

And as I watch the drops of rain
Weave their weary paths and die
I know that I am like the rain
There but for the grace of you go i.

Ground 0..

2007-01-06T22:10:00.000-08:00

a sombre remembrance.

freedom tower, promise of a bold future.

NYC first brush. few shots.

2006-12-26T12:40:00.000-08:00

so this is christmas..

n what have u done (huh!)

another yr over :)

a new one just begun..

.

2006-12-13T17:52:00.000-08:00

And to you sir.

the 81st one. Merry Christmas..

Say a little prayer...

2006-10-01T20:03:00.000-07:00

...Adieu puja yet again. till next year.

On a day like today..

2006-09-21T18:12:00.000-07:00

You never really wanna sun go down...

but it does all the same.

.

2006-08-24T16:25:00.000-07:00

one by denver. been a favorite for a long time. jst thought of putting it down here.

Lost and alone on some forgotten highway
Travelled by many remembered by few
Lookin for something that I can believe in
Lookin for something that Id like to do with my life

Theres nothin behind me and nothin that ties me
To somethin that might have been true yesterday
Tomorrow is open and right now it seems to be more
Than enough to just be there today

And I dont know what the future is holdin in store
I dont know where Im goin, Im not sure where Ive been
Theres a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me
My life is worth the livin, I dont need to see the end

Sweet, sweet surrender
Live, live without care
Like a fish in the water
Like a bird in the air

bottoms up !

2006-08-23T20:50:00.000-07:00

..eight days into the USofA. first visit. first impression. a country tht keepz pampering u for going bottomz up till that last dreg.

few sequencez:

-a specific bank offerz ipod nano if u walk in n oblige them by opening an account with them n accept a credit card they r so desperate to spare..ahem.

-a tire shop actually askz u to relax on that italian sofa over there with a tv, a coffee machine (..no hot water bath tx), loadza magazinez, n yes pastel colorz n drawing bookz for kidz, by the couch while they r changing ur tire. *hypnotised*

-the coffee shop pesterz u for having the free cookies they r going to launch next summer..thnk god hvnt found ne to be dyspeptic till date.

hmm..so thtz all abt it. lemme turn my gaze to the life as a student here then.

...while in india i was switching gears n setting n resetting the decision evry other day .. 'to come or not to come tht was the question' ...when a sagacious frnd of mine stepped in at the right moment n told me 'dude u gotta cm n c how these ppl pamper u out at these schoolz'

...right he was. we were given tall talkz for a hillarious one n a half hrz for a job tht tkz ...err...around 7 minutez flat to be completed ?!

been more than a week...all i hv done till date is visiting starbuckz religiously twice a day .. hv baptised myself into wearing three quarterz :-s n of course hv kept myself from yawning every other second through monotonous orientation sessions where people actually look up big fat files to crack that same old joke yr after yr.

..hv met quite a few interesting characters but. good that is. n hv the assurance that lifez gonna be challenging next week on...whn the bell ringz at bell hall n classes begin in full swing. :-)

till then, do take care.

adios.

a string torn from the start...

2006-08-11T00:42:00.000-07:00

I quit. At last. From a company that targets being amongst 'global top 10' by another 4 years.
Yes, of course am going for higher studies. And oh yes again, I have given them 45 days notice
in advance that I would leave the job.

6th of august is the date of flight. As it nears, heart thhumps a lil faster. Me leaving my home forever (?)
is the question that shrouds my mind and yes i of course ramp up my release process, all set to board the
flight.

Flashforward to 4th of august evening (friday that is). They take my passport away. Hehe funny. Quite.
Realization strikes me fast though. They actually are 'taking' my 'passport' away, me having a plan of flying
to the school the day after the next. Reason ? aah, they need to cancel my uk visa and cannot let me go away
with one. accepted. 'their concern'.

Questions still remain are

1) why 'their concern' had to wait till the last day to raise its head
2) why was not 'I' given a choice to fly as is 'my' passport.

Anyway, working in the industry ofcourse has taught me to work under 'pressure'. And I frantically chased up
thomas cook to see if the date of departure could be revisited. They put up a brave fight understanding the
gravity of the situation and I somehow managed to get a ticket on 15th of aug (happy that am going to 'earn'
my 'independence' on a very symbolic date that is)

By this time I am

1) poorer by 6k, having to reschedule my ticket, for no fault on my side
2) without a passport.
3) without any proof that they have taken it away.

Days pass in nervous apprehension. I change my name from the one given to me at birth to 'flying on 14th' :)
to avoid barrage of questions from the well-wishers. heh :)

Flashforward 9th august. I get my passport back ... yippie :) so am flying at last.

But hold, there's a catch. They havent 'actually' cancelled my uk visa. Now that's weird. But they have quite
a 'valid' concern - yet again..the same cannot be done in anything less than 14/15 days. So, the choice remains
with me. Brilliant all of them are.

1) I happily submit my passport and go on a 2 weeks vacation perhaps to the Himalayas to contemplate the option whether I

should now become a sage

2) I take a leave without a 'release' letter, for again no fault of my own and fly off to US :)

Am taking the second option, a victim of a 'gap' in the 'process'

In 'dilbert principles' scott adams of course had mentioned the surest signs of a company heading for doom (or was it top10

?) .. one sure was 'too' much of process orientation actually pointing to the fact that 'smarter' asses have already left the

farm and the ones left can only 'abide' by 'processes'.

...i would earnestly hope tht no one else has to undergo any such 'harrassment' ever !

signing off.

...

2006-08-05T10:14:00.000-07:00

And as I watch the drops of rain
Weave their weary paths and die
I know that I am like the rain
There but for the grace of you go I. : )

a hazy canvas ...

2006-08-03T08:10:00.000-07:00

Did I mention the spectacular view balcony at office offers ? The view of vast expanses of marshlands on the eastern fringe of calcutta..with coconut trees gently swaying their heads near the horizon as if daring you to reach for them.

It used to be my favorite haven for last six months or so (...ofcourse I used to spend some time on my desk..evryone deserves moments respite :) .. each day the balcony offered a new look...i saw the waterbody still as a mirror...i saw fiery storm raise its head from the back of that tall building at distance and weave their own alpana on water...i saw the restlessness on the surface as the tropical rain came down pitter-patter...slowlyy and playfully...i saw powerful lightning lashing the horizon...and of course I saw nothing at all when heavy downpour blurred all that was there to view and painted the entire canvas in a dull monochrome.

Just as I was leaving this balcony forever today, I watched this bird ...the tiny one... as she kept fluttering her wings in desperation against the strong wind. She was making frantic attempts to tide past the obstacles...quite a strong one for her at that...what impressed me was she never flew with the wind which would have been so easier an option but kept fighting against the odds.

She sure knew her direction home...

On reservation...

2006-06-20T08:22:00.000-07:00

There has been much hullabaloo around of late on this issue. And thought I will add to this

confusion, without adding much to it :). Had a nice conversation with a colleague of mine

today and a few points came out quite nice and clear.

Let's not focus on the caste based politics at this point. Rather let's focus on a few points with examples that this reservation can or cannot do for our country.

My personal view is reservation is going to be beneficial for a larger mass of India in the longer run. A natural question that would appear in the minds of one reading this passage is how. The merit we are talking about dear friend, believe me does not arise out of nowhere. Mostly we see people excelling in fields where their ancestors have shown excellence, be it academia or business. The fact that Brahminical class, however minuscule they might be when it comes to headcount, is ruling the roost everywhere does not necessarily point to the fact that they are the most 'meritorious' lot. Let their sons plough the field and the excellence will show. Knowledge and therefore 'knowledge based merit' is an accrual process that gradually increases with time, over era...down the generations. Had it not been for our knowledge in English language for past two or three generations, we would not have been in a position to outperform China today in the services outsourcing business. The people we are talking about has been deprived of this 'knowledge' for a period well enough to justify any effort on our part to uplift their status.

The next question that's being talked about often is why not get to the root of the problem and reform primary education. *grin* Face it, we know that we won't bring in more competitors to ourselves by restricting it to the 'reform in primary education'. When a child at the age of 12 comes back from the firecracker making factory and knows that he is the only one who can fend for the entire family, look after his ailing mother and rear up his siblings, seldom does he think of flipping through the pages of that book, that the government run free school has provided him with. Look from their point of view and face it that all we are trying to do is keep the seats implicitly reserved to ourselves, who by natural choice, by thousand years of bureaucracy have kept the merit to themselves.

I personally happen to be a 'so-called' software engineer who sees himself and people around doing nothing the lesser privileged citizens would not have been able to perform with some additional grooming. End of the day money speaks and money is all that secures the well being of the future generation. Let all share the pie for there to be fair distribution.

The only important point that came up was the criticality of medical faculty and how would that degrade should we think about reservation. A few points to that

1) Accepted that the students toil harder and harder to get through the medical entrance examination. No disrespect intended. But, at the doorstep of that medical school these young eager minds are just at the beginning of the process of being shaped into a promising doctor of tomorrow. If the medical schools cannot shape them up, what use is five years of rigorous education. Why not get the medical practitioner's stamp right after the entrance examination itself ?! Time the schools lived upto their expectation and not just wait for creme-de-la-creme to be waiting at the gate.

2) Most of the medical students passing out of the schools, start private practice or go abroad, and quite justifiedly so. If we open the door to the elite schools to entire india, who knows, we might just be having more people going back to their native place, where people die of a minor influenza ? Point is we will just be having more people having the required knowledge to serve people.

All said and done, this will remain a silent personal viewpoint. If it made you think even for once, is all I was looking for.

Signing off...

Christmas carol

2005-11-28T01:52:00.000-08:00

Festive season coming up...u can smell it in the air...town centre will soon adorn that lively look...reminded me of the old chap i met in the bus though...last year.

..the one who had been to burma and an obscure place called 'shilawng, was it ?' he had asked, serving his country during the world war and somehow was very happy to have met someone who has come from eastern part of india, which he didnt seem t o have done in a long time...the one who regretted the new structure of the city that did away with the open air market, which was 'so close' to his home...the one who looked pretty lonely and tired to me...having fought the battle.

..his destination had arrived, as they more often than not do. with a faint smile he had wished me a very merry first christmas abroad and told me that it was going to b e his 79th.

..saw him on and off travelling by the same route, with the same stuff a few more weekends. just came to realize havent seen him for quite a few months now.

to you sir, a very merry christmas. the eightieth one...

oops....yet another puja out of the city

2005-10-10T15:52:00.000-07:00

....is astami today. city has lit up in all its splendor, in a distant land. kool.

and here, it's fun in a different sense altogether. ya. is fun.

with a city map to throw light on us, a friend of mine and i ventured out on saturday...hovered around the pandal for an hour or so, trying to find out where actually it was !! got a lil frustrated, went n ate wholesome at nandoz, came back home, slept, and slept for a few more hours, got so bored that set myself a steep target of buying an ipod nano sharp at 18.00 from a showroom that closes at 19.00 and is 20 miles away, bought the same, got drenched in rain...quite some pujo for sure : D

goodbye pujaz this yr..adieu !

The old man and the sea.

2005-09-21T15:35:00.000-07:00

This just a soliloqui. Me. to myself. a few facts.

vangogh took 28 years to understand that he didnt want to be a priest.

kant came up with his best work while in his fifties.

charles strickland was in his 40s, when he shun his life as a stockbroker.

Am jst 26. So, still have a few years to spare : ) ..cheers.

..the vast sea you know is staring ahead sweetheart. at least that's what an old man too reluctant to die as yet, understands.

And you walk on...

2005-09-15T14:35:00.000-07:00

..notwithstanding how few people around you match the wavelength.

Now, that statement can be interpreted in a multizillion ways, based on the context it's used in..can be arrogance (which I never denied am not), the favourite excuse of a compulsive loner ( right again ), or confusion of a shameless narcissist (..now no comments).

But have not many choice either, if I happen to be what I am. I am not an ever-smiling friendly face in the office for example, and so people are happy keeping a safe distance. So am I having made my point clear. I was therefore a bit irritated, when a conversation started just by my desk on whether the custom of dowry is fine. Now, while on the way to solve a high severity bug, shameless battering at the next desk on whoz going to bag a crore can get quite obnoxious. Mind wanders, in a zigzag, from your computer screen to the social fabric of India two thousand years back, its metamorphosis into an urban 21st century optimistic emerging world power. Here I pause, listen to my projectmate, an educated urban 21st century indian engineer, actually trying to justify how dowry remains a proud custom that reminds him of his roots and also catch the grief in his voice for not having been born an upper cast...!

The first time I read 'India:a wounded civilization' by a young prolific V.S.Naipaul, I felt an outright repulsion towards a mind, that then seemed had been too harsh on a culture he never had opportunity to observe closely. But, I wonder now if I made a wrong judgement. So, yes, I now can comment on the third interpretation of the statement I began this with. That am not confused enough to state that I am confused.

So, better not confuse you further while I take a leave. Do think about it...

To you ...

2005-09-04T02:26:00.000-07:00

Chanced upon this by Rilke..a piece of absolute beauty.

You who never arrived
in my arms, Beloved, who were lost
from the start,
I don't even know what songs
would please you. I have given up trying
to recognize you in the surging wave of the next
moment. All the immense
images in me- the far-off, deeply-felt landscape,
cities, towers, and bridges, and unsuspected
turns in the path,
and those powerful lands that were once
pulsing with the life of the gods-
all rise within me to mean
you, who forever elude me.

You, Beloved, who are all
the gardens I have ever gazed at,
longing. An open window
in a country house-, and you almost
stepped out, pensive, to meet me.
Streets that I chanced upon,-
you had just walked down them and vanished.
And sometimes, in a shop, the mirrors
were still dizzy with your presence and, startled,
gave back my too-sudden image. Who knows?
perhaps the same bird echoed through both of us
yesterday, seperate, in the evening...

Age of reason

2005-09-03T03:07:00.000-07:00

...err...the last two blogs seem quite depressing to my own eyes, not to mention you, who read it. But things have changed in a week. The change probably I was looking forward to in my last blog.

...saturday morn, with a sun smiling down at me, a morning cuppa coffee and swooooosshh....

am in the blogworld. trying to justify myself, a 25 year old havenotdoneanythingasyetinlife kinds chap, trying to understand with a rational mind where everything is falling apart.

I know the answer . yes, I do. As a kid I often used to wonder how people get damned inflexible trying to justify their own past self and that's the point they start falling down from the pinnacle..have observed this happen to many of my favourite sportstars, quite a few actors, who just came crumbling down trying to hold on to a 'formula' ...its easy to be an observer when you are not 'in' the system...but now i am ... plagued by the same...i know i can do much better not thinking about my achievements in the past...and let it flow as it comes...with an eye to future.

Yes. I have attained the age...

...of reason

Cloudy ...

2005-08-10T02:24:00.000-07:00

Working back in India, with British counterparts, divided by a underwater telephone cable, we always used to wonder (...n also had our hearty share of laughter over bhnaare chaa) on how obsessed our brothers were about weather... Now, after having stayed in queen's land, I also have developed an inclination towards the same. Am a keen observer of weather changes and the associated mood swings it infuses into people around me (count me in too).....

So, is cloudy today .. partly, which makes my eyes float around, out of the window towards the hazy canvas. Notwithstanding, the annoying gazes of my fellow associates, I shun work and start concocting some crap. Life, needs change like this. An inner revolution. When all that matters to you is your own sweet self. Selfish ? ... yes, perhaps. But, that's how you can keep the other selfish morons around you at bay.... am learning......is a learning phase. learning to love myself...

Smoke filled room

2005-08-05T10:56:00.000-07:00

Chokes you ? Not me..

I see the smoke disappear in the filtered sunrays of this pensive dusk.

I think of the new paintings they have put up outside the meeting rooms at office. Upstairs. The paintings inspired by the starry night.

I wonder why. They feel so out of place there. Hanging in their lumped loneliness, clinging to each other, staring at you .... do they inspire ? are they there to inspire. I pity the artist who must have painstakingly put his energy, pouring his heart into it, with this result.

Does result count then ? Yes, it does. In fact, our age has grown up to be result oriented to an extent that the means of getting there do not really matter. Then where do we place these, tiny bit of floating dreams, scattered around. Dreams, that you can chase your life through, without even one being realized ? ...... Reminds me of 'the famished road' by ben okri -- 'dream can be the highest point of a life'. It appeared to be the truth to a bleary-eyed teenager back in india, some seven years back. The same chap now dwells on the tough turf where decisions are imposed on him, in the meeting rooms, just by those paintings. Yet another loss to humanity ? Nobody gives a two penny damned. Nor do I.