Khrrishtmash Karroll

Festive season coming up...u can smell it in the air...town centre will soon adorn that lively look...reminded me of the old chap i met in the bus though...last year.



..the one who had been to burma and an obscure place called 'shilawng, was it ?' he had asked, serving his country during the world war and somehow was very happy to have met someone who has come from eastern part of india, which he didnt seem t o have done in a long time...the one who regretted the new structure of the city that did away with the open air market, which was 'so close' to his home...the one who looked pretty lonely and tired to me...having fought the battle.

..his destination had arrived, as they more often than not do. with a faint smile he had wished me a very merry first christmas abroad and told me that it was going to b e his 79th.

..saw him on and off travelling by the same route, with the same stuff a few more weekends. just came to realize havent seen him for quite a few months now.

to you sir, a very merry christmas. the eightieth one...

Yyettanother puja out of the *city*

Is astami today. city has lit up in all its splendor, in a distant land. Cool.

and here, it's fun in a different sense altogether. ya. is fun.

with a city map to throw light on us, a friend of mine and i ventured out on saturday...hovered around the pandal for an hour or so, trying to find out where actually it was !! got a lil frustrated, went n ate wholesome at nandoz, came back home, slept, and slept for a few more hours, got so bored that set myself a steep target of buying an ipod nano sharp at 18.00 from a showroom that closes at 19.00 and is 20 miles away, bought the same, got drenched in rain...quite some pujo for sure : D

goodbye pujaz this yr..adieu !

Drrroldd man and da sea.

This just a soliloqui. Me. to myself. a few facts.

vangogh took 28 years to understand that he didnt want to be a priest.

kant came up with his best work while in his fifties.

charles strickland was in his 40s, when he shun his life as a stockbroker.


Am jst 26. So, still have a few years to spare : ) ..cheers.

..the vast sea you know is staring ahead sweetheart. at least that's what an old man too reluctant to die as yet, understands.

And you walk on...

..notwithstanding how few people around you match the wavelength.



Now, that statement can be interpreted in a multizillion ways, based on the context it's used in..can be arrogance (which I never denied am not), the favourite excuse of a compulsive loner ( right again ), or confusion of a shameless narcissist (..now no comments).



But have not many choice either, if I happen to be what I am. I am not an ever-smiling friendly face in the office for example, and so people are happy keeping a safe distance. So am I having made my point clear. I was therefore a bit irritated, when a conversation started just by my desk on whether the custom of dowry is fine. Now, while on the way to solve a high severity bug, shameless battering at the next desk on whoz going to bag a crore can get quite obnoxious. Mind wanders, in a zigzag, from your computer screen to the social fabric of India two thousand years back, its metamorphosis into an urban 21st century optimistic emerging world power. Here I pause, listen to my projectmate, an educated urban 21st century indian engineer, actually trying to justify how dowry remains a proud custom that reminds him of his roots and also catch the grief in his voice for not having been born an upper cast...!

The first time I read 'India:a wounded civilization' by a young prolific V.S.Naipaul, I felt an outright repulsion towards a mind, that then seemed had been too harsh on a culture he never had opportunity to observe closely. But, I wonder now if I made a wrong judgement. So, yes, I now can comment on the third interpretation of the statement I began this with. That am not confused enough to state that I am confused.

So, better not confuse you further while I take a leave. Do think about it...

Age of reason

...err...the last two blogs seem quite depressing to my own eyes, not to mention you, who read it. But things have changed in a week. The change probably I was looking forward to in my last blog.

...saturday morn, with a sun smiling down at me, a morning cuppa coffee and swooooosshh....

am in the blogworld. trying to justify myself, a 25 year old havenotdoneanythingasyetinlife kinds chap, trying to understand with a rational mind where everything is falling apart.

I know the answer . yes, I do. As a kid I often used to wonder how people get damned inflexible trying to justify their own past self and that's the point they start falling down from the pinnacle..have observed this happen to many of my favourite sportstars, quite a few actors, who just came crumbling down trying to hold on to a 'formula' ...its easy to be an observer when you are not 'in' the system...but now i am ... plagued by the same...i know i can do much better not thinking about my achievements in the past...and let it flow as it comes...with an eye to future.

Yes. I have attained the age...

...of reason

Cloudy ...

Working back in India, with British counterparts, divided by a underwater telephone cable, we always used to wonder (...n also had our hearty share of laughter over bhnaare chaa) on how obsessed our brothers were about weather... Now, after having stayed in queen's land, I also have developed an inclination towards the same. Am a keen observer of weather changes and the associated mood swings it infuses into people around me (count me in too).....



So, is cloudy today .. partly, which makes my eyes float around, out of the window towards the hazy canvas. Notwithstanding, the annoying gazes of my fellow associates, I shun work and start concocting some crap. Life, needs change like this. An inner revolution. When all that matters to you is your own sweet self. Selfish ? ... yes, perhaps. But, that's how you can keep the other selfish morons around you at bay.... am learning......is a learning phase. learning to love myself...

Smoke filled room

Chokes you ? Not me..

I see the smoke disappear in the filtered sunrays of this pensive dusk.

I think of the new paintings they have put up outside the meeting rooms at office. Upstairs. The paintings inspired by the starry night.



I wonder why. They feel so out of place there. Hanging in their lumped loneliness, clinging to each other, staring at you .... do they inspire ? are they there to inspire. I pity the artist who must have painstakingly put his energy, pouring his heart into it, with this result.



Does result count then ? Yes, it does. In fact, our age has grown up to be result oriented to an extent that the means of getting there do not really matter. Then where do we place these, tiny bit of floating dreams, scattered around. Dreams, that you can chase your life through, without even one being realized ? ...... Reminds me of 'the famished road' by ben okri -- 'dream can be the highest point of a life'. It appeared to be the truth to a bleary-eyed teenager back in india, some seven years back. The same chap now dwells on the tough turf where decisions are imposed on him, in the meeting rooms, just by those paintings. Yet another loss to humanity ? Nobody gives a two penny damned. Nor do I.